Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Rare Shakepseare Folio, Che Guevara, Champagne and One Yellow Ferrari
An eccentric antiques dealer who kept a rare, stolen First Folio of Shakespeare's plays in his home for a decade has been found dead in prison two years into an eight-year sentence.
Raymond Scott, 55, was found unconscious in his cell at Northumberland prison on Wednesday.
Scott ensured extra headlines for an already notorious crime, the theft of the 17th-century work from Durham University library, when he attended court dressed as Che Guevara, sprayed journalists with champagne and revelled in his ownership of a yellow Ferrari. He was cleared of stealing the book but found guilty of handling stolen property and taking it abroad. Read more at the Guardian...
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And, as another blog put it:
Bard folio theft accused in bizarre court entrance
There was a whiff of the Highlands about a crown court on Friday, as a flamboyant book dealer accused of stealing a £3m Shakespeare folio arrived in trademark bizarre style.In a tribute to Macbeth and Bonnie Prince Charlie, Raymond Scott was escorted to Durham Crown Court in a horse-drawn carriage, wearing a tartan kilt and drinking a bottle of Drambuie.
The 52-year-old was accompanied by his researcher, a bodyguard named Tiny, a bagpipe player and a Frank Sinatra tribute act, who Mr Scott joined for a pavement rendition of My Way.
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Saturday, February 25, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
10 Best Slacker Novels
Though we’re sure he’s no slouch himself, Adam Wilson sure knows a thing or two about the intricacies of slackerdom. His debut novel Flatscreen, which hit shelves this week, is the hilarious story of professional slacker Eli Schwartz — perpetually stoned, uncomfortably doughy, cheerfully lewd — who is forced to face up to certain facts of life (and required to put on pants) when his (parents’) home is purchased by an aging, sex-addicted ex-TV star in a wheelchair. As you might imagine, hijinks ensue, most of which are relatively unflattering to our friend Eli, but he manages to slouch and whine his way towards a satisfying conclusion. Since he’s the expert, we asked Wilson to tell us about his all-time favorite literary slacker novels — click through to check out his (also very funny) list, and then be sure to tell us about your own preferred misanthropic reads in the comments!
Wilson says: “I’ve always thought of Jesus Christ — the New Testament’s long-haired itinerant carpenter and struggling magician — as the first literary slacker He drank a lot of wine and never wore pants; he was into holistic healing; he could be preachy and moralistic, but was a good guy deep down. And to think they strung him up for it. Society’s attitude toward slackers hasn’t softened much.”
Utah judge orders some defendants to hit the books
LOGAN, Utah (WTW) — Love, charity and compassion — hardly what one expects to find in a criminal courtroom of the 21st century. But some convicted defendants are gleaning lessons from the character in a 19th century novel when they're sentenced by a Cache County judge.
In "Les Miserables," penned by Victor Hugo in 1862, Monsignor Beinvenue was Bishop of Digne, a small community in France. He was a man of service and charity.
Beinvenue was once in a position to condemn a convicted felon to more time in prison after the man, Jean Valjean, stole from him. Instead, Beinvenue intervened and not only cleared Valjean of wrongdoing, but gave him the ability to climb out of a life of poverty.
From this act of kindness, Valjean came to realize the importance of a life given in service to others.
"It is beautiful, wonderful literature," said Judge Thomas Willmore of 1st District Court in Logan.
On a few occasions, Willmore said he has ordered defendants to read "Les Miserables" and write him a book report about the story. It isn't meant as a form of punishment, but rather a tool to help people think through their lives, he says...
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
The 10 Best Put-Downs in Literary History
There is a kind of unwritten rule among writers that you don’t criticize colleagues’ work too harshly, because they understand just how hard it is to produce great pieces. And yet, over the years handfuls of famous writers have taken huge exceptions to this rule, often with harsh but hilarious results. Some of them expressed their opinions in letters that have been included in their biographies, and who knows if they intended for the world to know of them. Either way, of the ones that are out there for all of us to enjoy, here are 10 of the best literary smack-downs ever recorded.Thursday, January 26, 2012
25 Things I Learned From Opening a Bookstore
1. People are getting rid of bookshelves. Treat the money you budgeted for shelving as found money. Go to garage sales and cruise the curbs.
2. While you're drafting that business plan, cut your projected profits in half. People are getting rid of bookshelves.
3. If someone comes in and asks where to find the historical fiction, they're not looking for classics, they want the romance section.
4. If someone comes in and says they read a little of everything, they also want the romance section.
5. If someone comes in and asks for a recommendation and you ask for the name of a book that they liked and they can't think of one, the person is not really a reader. Recommend Nicholas Sparks.
6. Kids will stop by your store on their way home from school if you have a free bucket of kids books. If you also give out free gum, they'll come every day and start bringing their friends.
7. If you put free books outside, cookbooks will be gone in the first hour and other non-fiction books will sit there for weeks. Except in warm weather when people are having garage sales. Then someone will back their car up and take everything, including your baskets.
8. If you put free books outside, someone will walk in every week and ask if they're really free, no matter how many signs you put out . Someone else will walk in and ask if everything in the store is free.
9. No one buys self help books in a store where there's a high likelihood of personal interaction when paying. Don't waste the shelf space, put them in the free baskets.
10. This is also true of sex manuals. The only ones who show an interest in these in a small store are the gum chewing kids, who will find them no matter how well you hide them.
11. Under no circumstances should you put the sex manuals in the free baskets. Parents will show up.
12. People buying books don't write bad checks. No need for ID's. They do regularly show up having raided the change jar.
13. If you have a bookstore that shares a parking lot with a beauty shop that caters to an older clientele, the cars parked in your lot will always be pulled in at an angle even though it's not angle parking.
14. More people want to sell books than buy them, which means your initial concerns were wrong. You will have no trouble getting books, the problem is selling them. Plus a shortage of storage space for all the Readers Digest books and encyclopedias that people donate to you.
15. If you open a store in a college town, and maybe even if you don't, you will find yourself as the main human contact for some strange and very socially awkward men who were science and math majors way back when. Be nice and talk to them, and ignore that their fly is open.
16. Most people think every old book is worth a lot of money. The same is true of signed copies and 1st editions. There's no need to tell them they're probably not insuring financial security for their grandkids with that signed Patricia Cornwell they have at home.
17. There's also no need to perpetuate the myth by pricing your signed Patricia Cornwell higher than the non-signed one.
18. People use whatever is close at hand for bookmarks--toothpicks, photographs, kleenex, and the very ocassional fifty dollar bill, which will keep you leafing through books way beyond the point where it's pr0ductive.
19. If you're thinking of giving someone a religious book for their graduation, rethink. It will end up unread and in pristine condition at a used book store, sometimes with the fifty dollar bill still tucked inside. (And you're off and leafing once again).
20. If you don't have an AARP card, you're apparently too young to read westerns.
21. A surprising number of people will think you've read every book in the store and will keep pulling out volumes and asking you what this one is about. These are the people who leave without buying a book, so it's time to have some fun. Make up plots.
22. Even if you're a used bookstore, people will get huffy when you don't have the new release by James Patterson. They are the same people who will ask for a discount because a book looks like it's been read.
23. Everyone has a little Nancy Drew in them. Stock up on the mysteries.
24. It is both true and sad that some people do in fact buy books based on the color of the binding.
25. No matter how many books you've read in the past, you will feel woefully un-well read within a week of opening the store. You will also feel wise at having found such a good way to spend your days.
2. While you're drafting that business plan, cut your projected profits in half. People are getting rid of bookshelves.
3. If someone comes in and asks where to find the historical fiction, they're not looking for classics, they want the romance section.
4. If someone comes in and says they read a little of everything, they also want the romance section.
5. If someone comes in and asks for a recommendation and you ask for the name of a book that they liked and they can't think of one, the person is not really a reader. Recommend Nicholas Sparks.
6. Kids will stop by your store on their way home from school if you have a free bucket of kids books. If you also give out free gum, they'll come every day and start bringing their friends.
7. If you put free books outside, cookbooks will be gone in the first hour and other non-fiction books will sit there for weeks. Except in warm weather when people are having garage sales. Then someone will back their car up and take everything, including your baskets.
8. If you put free books outside, someone will walk in every week and ask if they're really free, no matter how many signs you put out . Someone else will walk in and ask if everything in the store is free.
9. No one buys self help books in a store where there's a high likelihood of personal interaction when paying. Don't waste the shelf space, put them in the free baskets.
10. This is also true of sex manuals. The only ones who show an interest in these in a small store are the gum chewing kids, who will find them no matter how well you hide them.
11. Under no circumstances should you put the sex manuals in the free baskets. Parents will show up.
12. People buying books don't write bad checks. No need for ID's. They do regularly show up having raided the change jar.
13. If you have a bookstore that shares a parking lot with a beauty shop that caters to an older clientele, the cars parked in your lot will always be pulled in at an angle even though it's not angle parking.
14. More people want to sell books than buy them, which means your initial concerns were wrong. You will have no trouble getting books, the problem is selling them. Plus a shortage of storage space for all the Readers Digest books and encyclopedias that people donate to you.
15. If you open a store in a college town, and maybe even if you don't, you will find yourself as the main human contact for some strange and very socially awkward men who were science and math majors way back when. Be nice and talk to them, and ignore that their fly is open.
16. Most people think every old book is worth a lot of money. The same is true of signed copies and 1st editions. There's no need to tell them they're probably not insuring financial security for their grandkids with that signed Patricia Cornwell they have at home.
17. There's also no need to perpetuate the myth by pricing your signed Patricia Cornwell higher than the non-signed one.
18. People use whatever is close at hand for bookmarks--toothpicks, photographs, kleenex, and the very ocassional fifty dollar bill, which will keep you leafing through books way beyond the point where it's pr0ductive.
19. If you're thinking of giving someone a religious book for their graduation, rethink. It will end up unread and in pristine condition at a used book store, sometimes with the fifty dollar bill still tucked inside. (And you're off and leafing once again).
20. If you don't have an AARP card, you're apparently too young to read westerns.
21. A surprising number of people will think you've read every book in the store and will keep pulling out volumes and asking you what this one is about. These are the people who leave without buying a book, so it's time to have some fun. Make up plots.
22. Even if you're a used bookstore, people will get huffy when you don't have the new release by James Patterson. They are the same people who will ask for a discount because a book looks like it's been read.
23. Everyone has a little Nancy Drew in them. Stock up on the mysteries.
24. It is both true and sad that some people do in fact buy books based on the color of the binding.
25. No matter how many books you've read in the past, you will feel woefully un-well read within a week of opening the store. You will also feel wise at having found such a good way to spend your days.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Literary Genre Translations
BY CIROCCO DUNLAP
- - - -
Original Text
“I ate a sandwich and looked out the window.”
- - -
Sci-Fi
“I placed the allotted nutrition capsules on my tongue bed and looked to the Nahin VI-8373 space podhole.”Fantasy
“My dragon, Ralfarus, and I, Genflowfla’ii, choked down the hardened cheese curd and two-part-moons-old bread as we peered out of the meeting cavern.”19th-Century British Romance
“Being but a governess with no prospects but a fierce wit and a quick temper which is out of mode, I nibbled a soda biscuit and looked off into the glade, awaiting my dear friend—whom I surely could not come to love—Mr. Wadswortherton.”Young Adult
“I gagged on rancid human food and instead drank the gushing blood of a rat as my night-kind are wont to do with our pointed toothbones. I gazed longingly out of my coffin into the human world where my true lovemate lived (how mortal!) and breathed (MORTALER YET!). The Lofty Council would never allow our soul union.”Choose Your Own Adventure
“You eat a sandwich. You are then compelled to do something so you:- LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND REFLECT (Turn to Page 65).
- WALK OUTSIDE INTO A DARK CAVE WITHPIRHANAS AND SNAKES (Turn to Page 27).
- DRINK FROM A BOTTLE MARKED POISON ANDTAKE A NAP (Turn to Page 27)."
Erotica
“I nakedly slurped sauerkraut off my engorged bratwurst and looked through the peephole for the endowed plumber.”Drama
RICH: Thanks for the sandwich, Dad. Don’t think it makes up for all the boozing and you walking out on me and Mom and Baby Boon and Old Lady Glipper and all the beatings with the belt and the stick and the rusty rake and the vacuum cleaner and the Swiffer and the hourglass and the brass pocket watch. [Rich looks out the broken window.]Beat
“i me you we he she ate a yum yum grubemups smorgasbording its like breathing take a man out of fish you can fish we all are fish where’s that fish the man looks at us like fish through his crystal window and we we we we we weeeeeeee (!) look back”Poetry
There was nary a doubt,For my sandwich I’d shout,
If it took its own route
Through the glass I looked out.
Russian Classic
I, Shanvokovic, steadily finished my becoldened soup made by Gregorinoviczh as if the weight on my conscience weren’t pressing deep down into my darkening soul. I looked out the architect’s airhole into the bleak grey of the day – grey, indeed, as my morality – as I waited for the sweet nightshade to seep into my bloodstream and for Borsha to find my explanatory farewell tome.Magic Realism
I ate a sandwich and flew into the air vent.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Kalle Lasn: The Man Who Occupied Wall Street
Adbuster's Occupy Wall Street poster incorporating the 3D work of Arturo Di Modica titled "Charging Bull".
Adbusters’ leader Kalle Lasn receives a lengthy profile in the New York Times:
Kalle Lasn, the longtime editor of the anticonsumerist magazineAdbusters, did not invent the anger that has been feeding the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations across the United States.But he did brand it.Last summer, as uprisings shook the Middle East and much of the world economy struggled, Mr. Lasn and several colleagues at the small magazine felt the moment was ripe to tap simmering frustration on the American political left.On July 13, he and his colleagues created a new hash tag on Twitter: #OCCUPYWALLSTREET. They made a poster showing a ballerina dancing on the back of the muscular sculptured bull near Wall Street in Manhattan.For some people they were just words and images. For Mr. Lasn, they were tools to begin remodeling the “mental environment,” to create a new “meme,” the term coined by the evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins for a kind of transcendent cultural message.“There’s a number of ways to wage a meme war,” Mr. Lasn, whose name is pronounced KAL-luh LAS-en, said in an interview. “I believe that one of the most powerful things of all is aesthetics.”
Read More...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
"There could be no such thing as landed property originally. Man did not make the earth,...
and, though he had a natural right to occupy it, he had no right to locate as his property in perpetuity any part of it." Thomas Paine, Agrarian Justice.
Dammit! Now he's goin' all Kropotkin fucking Hippy Love and shit! This guy is out there!
Dammit! Now he's goin' all Kropotkin fucking Hippy Love and shit! This guy is out there!
"It is painful to see old age working itself to death, in what are called civilised countries, for daily bread...
pay to every such person of the age of fifty years ... the sum of six pounds per annum out of the surplus taxes, and ten pounds per annum during life after the age of sixty... This support, as already remarked, is not of the nature of a charity but of a right." Thomas Paine, The Rights of Man.
Hey... wait a second... does this sound like Social Security to anybody else? I mean, I know I slept or smoked pot all the way through History and Government... but I thought that was why they called it "High" School.
Hey... wait a second... does this sound like Social Security to anybody else? I mean, I know I slept or smoked pot all the way through History and Government... but I thought that was why they called it "High" School.
"Pay as a remission of taxes to every poor family, out of the surplus taxes, and in room of poor-rates, four pounds a year...
...for every child under fourteen years of age." Thomas Paine, The Rights of Man.
Doesn't sound like the Thomas Paine that Glenn Beck runs around quoting. Maybe he should take the time to learn to read, and then actually read some.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Group hacks PBS website in WikiLeaks protest
Awesome! Man, PBS just isn't what it used to be before the subtle right-wing takeover.
30 May 2011 A group of hackers angered by a PBS documentary about WikiLeaks has posted a fake news story on the website of the public broadcaster claiming that dead rapper Tupac Shakur was alive and well. The group, Lulz Boat, attacked PBS' servers on Sunday, posting stolen passwords and other sensitive PBS information alongside a story headlined "Tupac still alive in New Zealand." "We just finished watching WikiSecrets and were less than impressed," Lulz Boat said, referring to an hour-long documentary that aired on PBS' "Frontline" program on Tuesday.
Friday, May 13, 2011
I Want to Beat Edward Cullen With a Stick.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=3)
otahyoni- March 25th, 2008
From otahyoni's livejournal. I thought this was clever enough to repost, enjoy:
Bad Book Month
In Which I Read Bad Books on Purpose
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Oh, my. This book justifies Bad Book Month all by itself. It's appalling. The redeeming factors are few and far between (mostly Charlie, because he's sweet; and maybe Jasper), but they're helpless against the overwhelming gag factor.
The most appalling element, however, is how popular this novel is...more...
In Which I Read Bad Books on Purpose
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Oh, my. This book justifies Bad Book Month all by itself. It's appalling. The redeeming factors are few and far between (mostly Charlie, because he's sweet; and maybe Jasper), but they're helpless against the overwhelming gag factor.
The most appalling element, however, is how popular this novel is...more...
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
David Agranoff & Kevin Shamel Reading - Vegan Revolution w/ Zombies & Rotten Little Animals, This Saturday, May 7th @ 2pm
Last Word Books
211 4th Avenue East
Olympia, WA 98501
“Agranoff’s book(The Vegan Revolution with Zombies) is clever, satirical, gross, touching, sad, and filled with more pop cultural references than you can shake a stick at....The last 20 pages of the book are both heartbreaking and inspiring.”
-I readOddbooks.com
"I've never read (or seen) anything like it, and HUNTING THE MOON TRIBE should mark Mr. Agranoff as one of the most original and exciting new voices to emerge in genre fiction in a dragon's age." Three time Bram Stoker award winning author Lisa Morton
Praise for Kevin Shamel:
"Like a bionic Ralph Bakshi reborn from snorting Orwell's ashes, Kevin Shamel drags cherished childhood fantasies into the gutter of adulthood, and makes you pay dearly to swallow them all over again. Intelligence is a universal disease, but never fear... Rotten Little Animals just may be the cure we've been praying for." Cody Goodfellow (author of Silent Weapons For Quiet Wars and Perfect Union)
“Kevin Shamel is not merely a student of a human nature, but a Zen master of it. Behind his laid back, west coast affability is a potential for strong literary medicine that tastes like a mouthful of masterful martini.” (Garrett Cook, author of Murderland Part 1:h8 and Archelon Ranch)
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